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100 Funny Things To Say To Impress Your Friends

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  1. “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.”
  2. “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”
  3. “I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kat ads.”
  4. “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”
  5. “My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.”
  6. “I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.”
  7. “If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
  8. “I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.”
  9. “I put my phone on airplane mode, but it’s not flying.”
  10. “I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.”
  11. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
  12. “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”
  13. “I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”
  14. “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.”
  15. “I’m so bright my mother calls me sun.”
  16. “I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it.”
  17. “I’m not short, I’m concentrated awesome.”
  18. “I’m not weird, I’m limited edition.”
  19. “I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me.”
  20. “I’m not procrastinating, I’m doing side quests.”
  21. “I’m not lazy, I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.”
  22. “I’m on a 30-day diet. So far, I’ve lost 15 days.”
  23. “I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.”
  24. “I’m not old, I’m chronologically gifted.”
  25. “I’m on a roll… a cinnamon roll.”
  26. “I’m not a morning person. I’m a coffee person.”
  27. “I’m not ignoring you, I’m just on airplane mode.”
  28. “I’m on a juice cleanse—cleaning out the fridge.”
  29. “I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.”
  30. “I’m not lazy, I’m just on my energy-saving mode.”
  31. “I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.”
  32. “I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.”
  33. “I’m not arguing, I’m just passionate.”
  34. “I’m not shy, I’m just holding back my awesomeness.”
  35. “I’m not short, I’m fun-sized.”
  36. “I’m not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.”
  37. “I’m not lost, I’m exploring.”
  38. “I’m not a morning person, don’t pull me out of my cave.”
  39. “I’m not fat, I’m just easier to see.”
  40. “I’m not late, I’m just fashionably on my own time.”
  41. “I’m not a nerd, I’m just smarter than you.”
  42. “I’m not old, I’m vintage.”
  43. “I’m not lazy, I’m on power-saving mode.”
  44. “I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee zombie.”
  45. “I’m not weird, I’m limited edition.”
  46. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
  47. “I’m not bossy, I’m the boss.”
  48. “I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy.”
  49. “I’m not short, I’m vertically challenged.”
  50. “I’m not ignoring you, I’m just on airplane mode.”
  51. “I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee addict.”
  52. “I’m not fat, I’m just big-boned.”
  53. “I’m not crazy, my reality is just different.”
  54. “I’m not lost, I’m exploring.”
  55. “I’m not late, I’m fashionably late.”
  56. “I’m not a nerd, I’m just smarter.”
  57. “I’m not old, I’m vintage.”
  58. “I’m not lazy, I’m on power-saving mode.”
  59. “I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee zombie.”
  60. “I’m not weird, I’m limited edition.”
  61. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
  62. “I’m not bossy, I’m the boss.”
  63. “I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy.”
  64. “I’m not short, I’m vertically challenged.”
  65. “I’m not ignoring you, I’m just on airplane mode.”
  66. “I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee addict.”
  67. “I’m not fat, I’m just big-boned.”
  68. “I’m not crazy, my reality is just different.”
  69. “I’m not lost, I’m exploring.”
  70. “I’m not late, I’m fashionably late.”
  71. “I’m not a nerd, I’m just smarter.”
  72. “I’m not old, I’m vintage.”
  73. “I’m not lazy, I’m on power-saving mode.”
  74. “I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee zombie.”
  75. “I’m not weird, I’m limited edition.”
  76. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
  77. “I’m not bossy, I’m the boss.”
  78. “I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy.”
  79. “I’m not short, I’m vertically challenged.”
  80. “I’m not ignoring you, I’m just on airplane mode.”
  81. “I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee addict.”
  82. “I’m not fat, I’m just big-boned.”
  83. “I’m not crazy, my reality is just different.”
  84. “I’m not lost, I’m exploring.”
  85. “I’m not late, I’m fashionably late.”
  86. “I’m not a nerd, I’m just smarter.”
  87. “I’m not old, I’m vintage.”
  88. “I’m not lazy, I’m on power-saving mode.”
  89. “I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee zombie.”
  90. “I’m not weird, I’m limited edition.”
  91. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
  92. “I’m not bossy, I’m the boss.”
  93. “I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy.”
  94. “I’m not short, I’m vertically challenged.”
  95. “I’m not ignoring you, I’m just on airplane mode.”
  96. “I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee addict.”
  97. “I’m not fat, I’m just big-boned.”
  98. “I’m not crazy, my reality is just different.”
  99. “I’m not lost, I’m exploring.”
  100. “I’m not late, I’m fashionably late.”

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